But doing so would be a direct offense to everything I stand for, an offense to the universe and the matter that surrounds me and an all-together kick in the crotch with a pointy hollow steel rod welded to the tip of a massive pendulum that weights over 500 lb atached to another massive steel rod that measures a good 34 meter and has been lifted (or swayed) to a complete angle of 120 ° over a height of....you know what? The pendulum comes down from high above and weights a lot.
You don't need to know physics just to realize a heavy object dropped from a high height at high speeds that will inevitably colide with your nuts or your snatch is going to hurt a lot.
Because that's the pretty little joyfull oyster that is my life. It's in moments like this when I most truly and really miss George Carlin....Cause he always made me laugh and he always made me realize the truth the world hid through his words. It's in moments like this when I think of him and of Lewis Black and Hunter S. Thompson and Jesse Custer and Spider Jerusalem, because they all had it worst. And they all would know what to do in a case like this.
So it turns out, bitching is forthemost the designated feeling to be held at this point's notice. I did bad in school, I'm still a few miles off being the bad ass I want to be, I still get cornered and stomped, my love life is a contemporary play whose only purpose is to explore the inequities and misadventures of being an idealistic young adult with so much ambition but near to no drive to get what he wants in the modern age.
The modern age being a mish mash of a digitalized era were pop stars are 15 year old girls made to look like highschool skanks marketed to males from preubecsent hormonal age were anything in a skirt and a halter top is jacking-off material to the upbeat new and improved pedophilic pervert that holds an important spot in society but every now and then enjoys the vissage of Miley Cyrus cock teasing the camera.
A lot can be said of the modern age. Our current time. Our wonder years. Politics and counter politics become steady jokes as time goes by. On one side we have either the top notch model of the idealic asshole running the country. Any country. My country, your country. France, Italy, USA, Mexico, Canada. It doesn't fucking matter.
Or
The breath-of-fresh-air straight-out-of-the-oven newly designed optimized and easy to handel head of state, made to fit just right in anyone's mind bearing all that is needed out of a real man, an honorable man.
I don't hate President Barack Obama, I don't even dislike him. If I were a northamerican citizen I would've voted for him, and I don't believe in voting as much as Rush Limbaugh believes the holocaust never happened (and if this pun has already been used elsewhere, I'm sincerely unaware of it and sorry for plagarizing, because plagarizing, without knowledge, is still writing someone else's briliant ideas).
But politics have been simplified for us punny mortals. There aren't any more tyrants and warlords which make enthusiastic writers like me or the many out there viciously, blood hungered and make us step out into the rain, the mud, the filth, the shit and anywhere else were we can fish and reap the truth. There aren't any more monsters and crooks like there used to be, just stupid fucking morons posed there as warning sings.
"DON'T FUCK WITH US.
WE MADE THIS MAN A PRESIDENT"
So they read. And counter politics (as well as anything counter) used to be run by wasteoids and freak heads. People who spent too much time away from the sun, people who would wet themselves beofore standing off from their chairs or starve to death before ungluing themselves away from the computer monitor back when hacking was underground and penalty of the law. Those that, unlike the fearsome journalists, would seep and uncover all the secret little details in our world from the comfort of their pseudo-homes by way of the interweb.
Now all the edgy guys are comedians on television. The hackers are your next door neighbors (you know...as long as you're not that next door neighbor) and the internet is available to everyone, which in turn have made it a knack to deal with gossip columns and funny videos.
I didn't wrote porn on purpose, because porn has always been there, will always be there and is, perhaps, one of the last remaining remmants of the true society that have existed since Greece was the shit. Before christian conservatives and slavery. Before the new world, which has fall right back at the hands of the sick and the poor from which it was once denied.
And that is only politics...and a very, very, very light side of it.
It's the way of things. Which is why I miss Carlin and I long for Lewis Black. Because I'm roaring right now, deep from within my entrails lies something so powerful that's been building over time...again. But there's no need to release it like I used to, you don't deserve it and my blog doesn't deserve it either. It's my path, the one I've chosen, the one that's meant for me. It's the way of things and I hold no grudges against that.
Sufice to say, I love and hate my life. I love the joyus wonders that have crossed and keep crossing my way. Hate it for the little dwarves and elves that hid behind the shadows grinnin like morons and waiting for the perfect moment to dry hump my leg.
If you don't happen to know it, dwarves and elves are the most hideous creatures in the known universe. They're not scary, just utterly disgusting, like a leaving-breathing knee-sized aging sack of balls with teeth sharp enough to puncture little holes on your leg and nails so goddamn large and pointy and sharp they make little scratches. Needles to say, all of this isn't deadly, just somewhat painfull and really fucking annoying.
They sweat and stink of shit and piss and rot. They have the foulest breathes from eating nothing but filth and they tend to bleed when they get over excited, either from bitting their lips to hard or just as some twisted featurette in their nature.
Sometimes they bleed from their badly shaped scrawny decaying penis. But their squeel. Their orgasmic whaling is perhaps the most obnoxious sound a human can ever hear. It's distinct mark is that of a creature that's horrible in every single way and very horny.
We, as humans, are marked to walk through life with momets that equal one of these beings dry humping your leg. Men and women with worst luck actually get raped by these devilish fiends. Sometimes by more than one.
But we continue. It just so happens that the world and everything in it belong only to those able to walk through the filth and the shit and get their colons lightly desintegrated by these creatures and keep on walking, knowing that they get better at walking on mud and filth and shit every time, all the while wearing a make shift necklace of dwarve's and elve's eyes, ears and fingers. You know, as tokens of having defeated this moments.
This is how I feel at the moment. On the verge of something big and important, close to an exit but still knee deep in dank water and in almost pitch darkness. The important thing to do is know there is an exit.
Forget about the fucking government, the fucking media, the fucking bullshit. Forget about who's fucking who and who's getting fat. Forget about the needless and the useless and stick with the interesting and promising. I assure you, knowing that Kanye West is a total shitbag is not at all fullfilling since, personally, I couldn't give more than a fuck about Taylor Swift and knowing so does not make me a happier person.
Knowing that what happens to Batman in "The Dark Knight Returns" or how does Silent Hill, the original game go or the words to Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit and half a billion things about movies in general, is far more important. Even the little things, are far more important, like what happened this last couple of weeks. Those are the true treasures in a over-digitalized world were mantaining an edge is the least people could do.
Not cross it, just have it. I miss Carlin, but I know we all have a little of him inside ourselves, because we're all bastards.
And a bastard is what I want to be. Thanks for the time and the trouble, thanks for everything piece of shit/cake life. Thanks for showing me watchmen the movie and Eureka Seven the anime. Thanks for making there be religion and publishing books that defy it, defile it or flat out piss on it. Thanks for making me a bad student but the most awsemost guy that I even make myself proud and tap my shoulder for just being there, saying that or doing something.
And thanks to all my friends, past and present. They're the ones keeping me at bay. Them and the promises, because even when either one of the two have failed, I haven't. Not as a human being. Not as who I'm supposed to be.
Thank you. I am blessed.
And fuck god, the house always wins.
