Ever been in that situation when, just as you're about to look at the world with a clean-clear view or a different, yet positive new perspective, the Universe gets cute and "tests" you in a way?
I fucking hate those situations. Because I almost, almost, always loose.
Almost. This is enough for me to loose, just significantly, a lot. And I fucking hate it how what comes into contact acts in a way that my, at the time fucked up mind, plays it so that it seems everyone's against me. I hate it because it only happens when I try my best to be happy. Good Omens; just played that card, didn't I?
It's the paranoid dreams all over again, of saying one thing and then losing ground to my goddamed luck. Its many things. How I feel. How it makes me feel. One thing and already things look bleak, desperate, and stupid. I already start to play the scenes in my head, what is to come. I'm already fighting people in the future because of what they said. I'm calling them names, casting them dirty looks and rejecting them as people as it was.I'm losing ground already.
And all because of one tiny little moment. Now I'm a bit relaxed, I go with it. Fuck it, it's what you do. There's no two ways about it, there's no I could've, I would've and to think otherwise would be a complete loss of my time and a sure-as-hell one-way ticket down a long, sufferable and very familiar path to me. One were at some given point I realize I fucked it up. So fuck it.
To think at all that this is in part thanks to some people would also be sufferable. I have enough to deal about with myself than to have others trying to pitch in so if you whoever you are and will be in or out of my life, if you don't understand this, don't try too. Don't even bother in reading the rest of it. It's not even a message, it's a rant. A personal rant. Because after dealing with the fact that nobody reads this stuff then I might just as well use it as an outlet.
But it isn't what I want. What I'm really after is balance, comfort and commodity. To know that this one aspect of my life is in order because I've had it with the temporary friendships. But one thing that is true, beyond a reason of a doubt, is that I didn't felt like this the first time someone went away. And in all good measure, the circumstances will do their best to just sink it in.
I remember, though, a day in which it wasn't at all too bad and we all had our laughs and joys. And I remember that day, it stood out. It was a good day. But it was also the quintessential map of things to come. Now, as always, I stand and feel the cold, the confusion, the anger, the rage, the hate and violence that come with it. To know that I've been shaked.
Never again, so I said, and not so easily. When I wrote my eulogy to Carlin I said nobody could shake me that easily anymore. This isn't easy, far from it.That's what it is. The feeling of not wanting to do anything, dropping all attempts to change something. Not now, not while things are like this.
In 1 week time I go back to school. By then I must have resolved sleeping periods amongst a few other things. In the meantime all the pretty girls and undisclosed anger/hatred/violent needs can stumble up and form in a macabre state and mock me or leave me be. All the confusion can form up in a shell and crumble crushing me in its wake.
THE FUCKING SKY CAN VERY WELL LIT UP AND BLAZE AT MY HEAD, for I will feel that and drop a few "f" bombs in public. A lot can happen, much more to my dismal. One thing is certain though. Everyone, men and women alike, have their boys or girls and whilst all of them round up and chit-chat their merry-go way into exaltation, be sure to know, you can all kiss my ass. For I will sure miss my boy.
In 1 week time I go back to school under near to perfect period placements, towards a brand new semester filled with thrills and wonders, with the people I know and love and perhaps even new ones at that.
1 week...and one of my best friends won't be there.
A good-harted fiery individual who isn't afraid or bullshit ridden. Who fits just perfectly into our lives, who makes us laugh and chill and have a good time and who, safe to say as my real best friends tend to do, has shown me a way. Strong beyond anyone's personal view, hated by some, love by us and bassist player for the band.
1 week and a very fucking important person...won't...be...there.
Fuck.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Good Omens
I could bitch about anything, I really could. The heat, the boredom, the weirdness of it all and how everything is mockingly connected to some distant fact in my life but as I write this while beatboxing, I suddenly want more. Not the usual rantings, about movies, why they are cool, why I am cool to know so much about them or comic books or daily situations.
I want rants, don't get me wrong I live for rants about anything. I'd even sit through a religious rant (Jesus Camp, nuff said). And why? why, because of the solely beauty of morbidity.
I'd sit through a religious rant or a political rant for the same reason I'd read all the coments on a youtube video, just to get sickeningly fed with people's opinion's that, mind you, sometimes differ greatly from my own. And that pisses me off, but I do it, because I might well not have enough respect for myself. BUT TODAY, today stands out for a reason and that reason is that I'm fed up with the FUCKING FUCKED UP-NESS OF THE SITUATIONS THAT SURROUND ME!!
So...I've been messing arroung, getting my thrills and daily adventures out of whatever the world can provide me, be them online, live, recorded somewhere or published and republished in the time span between 1917 and 2006. I've seen TV shows, I've finished complete anime seasons, watched movies that were on hold and I have even fooled around in other people's blogs and for all the time consuming activities, I fancy...It's not enough.
I mean seriously, it's not only that every day while fighting to stay awake some bone is thrown in my direction, some obscure or public occurrance happens and while I get round to write about it, all, if any, inspiration leave my putrid self in search of more meaningfull places, like my friends (who'd known?). And so I stumble back in my chair, rock my earphones and sit while listening to "I'm on a Boat" for the 128th time in a row.
Speaking of friends, I'd like to take this unbeknownst moment and confess that I've been getting my kicks from, amongst many places, a certain blog written by a certain young lady who fancies a certain knack for things electric and if she EVER gets to read this non-sequital pages of rantings and such I would like to share with her that strange feeling I get in those wee hours of the morning when the mood's just right and the light is ok, the tunes are enticing and my mind swirls with thoughts.
Right when I say to myself "hmm, It's been some days since I read anything interesting, I wonder if the certain young lady has posted anything new" and whaddaya know, SHE HAS!!!! Not only that, but it kinda stands out and suddenly brain up here goes "Shit this is good" and bye bye go all wishes to write.
I don't feel bad though, she deserves the attention and while it seems I'm sucking up to her, I fancy the girl and her friends, she's cool (as are most the people I meet). Cool people seem to attract two things: Despair and more cool people. SOOOOO to those days, were I mysteriously think "I wonder if there's somehting new" and there is and it's really good, I salute her with this old school rhyme (set to the tune of Easy-E's Boyz in the Hood)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stay up late
At around 2:oo
Just thought that I had to get my blogging soon
Gotta get readin' befo daylight sets in
Befo' my body get's used to the lack of sleep
About to stop, allmost said good night
Then I felt I really had to stay online
Tried to remember.
It was a blog
I didn't knew much, only that it ended in pop
At my laptop, started clicking some letters
Was done soon, clicked the key "Enter"
Got to the site and to my surprise
I was soon reading them posts, from first to last
Now I hear my iTunes play (play)
Hearing a theme song from a Mehca Anime
I't so witty and smart h0w this girl writes
Let me tell you what kinda' stuff you might find
There's a post about Woody and a picture of the 'chords
Something about pet peeves
How un-lucky are Dumb Girls
Went to the blog to humor her
Little did I know I'd return every now and then
A thought comes up what does it mean
I haven't charged my Nintendo DS, Oh Em Gee
Returning to the point in the song, I must say
It's so fun to read what goes through Mrss. Pop's head
´Cause girls like her are a dime a dozen
Somehow, it seems, her friends are just as awesome
I should know about that, I can read people moods
No doubt about it, Wendy and Babs got it going on too.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
My rhymes are guetto and dope and leet, all at the same time. Suck that T.I. (I hate that fucking asshole!!). Well that was my litte shout-out to a blogging soul sister, may she be in good times.
Meanwhile, as I try to find any meaning to life after Avatar and Michael Jackson, the world swirls past around and shakes me in the most unexpected ways from the comfort and stallness of my own home. Seriously though, I've got a high powered fan blazing away at me and my elbows are sweating. But enought of the nasty details, on with the crazy rantings...
I. HATE. THE. ENTIRE. CAST. OF. HOUSE MD!!!! Except for two people, Dr. Wilson and House Himself.
I have to get this out of the way because it's been eating me inside not to know what the fuck is going on. I've been watching it lately, trying to figure why everyone loves the show, all my friends, all my medial friends, allmost anyone I know that has ever seen a House episode LOVES house.
AND WHY!!!! WHY has been the question pounding away at my cerebellum for the last 2 seasong I own. WHY do people endure this. WHY does it still air after that fatefull first season. WHY does it feel strangely unwatchable yet I'm compelled to watch it to the last minute.
I GOT IT!!! Today, exactly at 3:15 in the evening, roughly 12 minutes after I awoke, I saw another episode (the one were Michelle Thatchenberg has a tick in her...lady bussiness and is caussing her to experience all sorts of shannananigans) and finally found out the why.
WHY does anyone see it? WHY is it still on the air? WHY has it won awards? WHY does no one bother to make any change in the storytelling? Because, AND ONLY BECAUSE, of Dr. Gregory "AWESOME" House. Because in the weird alternate universe of Dr. House everything seems, seems, normal. BUT IT ISN'T.
EVERYONE!!! is as stiff as a board, when people get sick, they get sick of the most unsual, rare once in 5 lifetimes diseases at the same time they have at least 2 or 3 other things that always put the guys off scent, there's no such a thing as ethic, much less medical or work ethic (how come they always find a way to get into people's appartments and nobody ever does anything?) and nobody listens to House, EVER, even though he is ALWAYS right.
That's the strange weird dull fealing that comes with the warm, fuzzy feeling I get when Hugh Laurie says anything at all. The show is un-oroginal, repetetive as fuck and everyone else (except for our very own Dr. House and Robert Sean Leonard of Dead Poet's Society fame) is the epitome of HATRED!!!
This people are stuborn and weak and increadibly stupid. There's the girl who has weirdly evolved from that cute, naïve girl who had a crush (read O-V-B-I-O-U-S) with House during the first season to a megalomanical bitch, who's nosy as fuck and gets involved in absolutely every case, besides I get the slight idea that sometimes she goes jus a little bit overboard trying to proove House wrong.
Then there's the black dude who is just as obnoxious, pedant, stupid and CANNOT PUT HIS FUCKING EYEBROWS DOWN!!!!! SERIOUSLY, BRAW, WHAT THE FUCK!! DID YOU GET A PLASTIC JOB IN THERE, WHAT'S WITH THE PERPETUAL LOOK OF "I told you so" YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ANYONE SHIT SINCE THE SHOW STARTED. Then there's the blonde bitch (what's his face, the Awestrelian one) who's the definition of stupid times a fucking asshole.
AND LET US NOT FORGET the power tripping, über BITCH that is their boss. Why did the producers got rid of Chi McBride? Why did they let Sela Ward leave? WHY DID NO ONE GOT RID OF CUDDY!!?!?!?! She's not cute, she's not hot, I don't find her the least bit appealing and Hey, you know? I get when House's *team* gets it wrong, I get it, They're supposed to, they're idiots. But his boss!!! If anyone listened to what cuddy had to say...fuck it, if anyone listened to what ANY of the supporting cast memebers had to say, people would actually D I E.
But cuddy...She's always threatening to fire House, to lay him on his arse, to let him go, to take him of cases...I just saw one were she had a patient and neglected him (a six year old) while House had a hunch and followed that hunch and discovered kiddo had a problema and started treating him and was well on his way to save him and stepped out of line and BUTTFUCK CUDDY came along and demoted him, told him he was off the case.
I get it and I think so do you, If anyone listens to anyone BUT House, people would DIE, countless of countless of people would die, but cuddy is supposed to be the boss, so why the fuck is SHE still working....AND NOW I KNOW WHY!!!
My rush, my exaltation, it comes from knowing how much I hate all this characters and how much I hate they always demote House, and deaminish him and try to ignore him and make him an idiot and when proven to be right no one gives the slightest thank-you to him. I finally understand that everyone is an asshole AND THEY CAN'T LEAVE.
Why? Simple, because then House couldn't make complete fools out of them and give them snappy comebacks and virtually defeat them at absolutely everything, starting, by being an actual doctor. SO SUCK IT PACK OF MORONS, they have to stay. They have to stay and endure the endless array of insults from a medical genius they ' ' hopefully ' ' will never be.
Because House is the ultimate bastard. He's rude, gross, dirty, unethical, inmoral, depraved, unclean, unshaven, immature and an all around bastard and you love him!!! They tell him to kiss their ass, he tells them to suck his dick. They go around demoting him, he goes beyond authority. They kick him out on the streets, he cane-hops his way round the back and into the hospital. They try to put him down, he rests assured that everyone will fall...and they do. Suckers!
So as to the rantings, I could bitch about the heat, the boredom, how Michael Jackson's death hurt me so much and how much Avatar filled a gap in my life. I could rant about movies like the summer's flop that was Transformers 2 or how I feel about Terminator Salvation or how much I'd like to watch Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince and bitch about what they missed and made up. I could go on and on and on and on about a lot of things, but I won't. Because I've already done two of the three things that secure a better tomorrow.
Prove the world Dr. Gregory House and Dr. James Wilson are the only two human beings on HOUSE MD and praise my friend's blog besides diggin in that people SHOULD watch Avatar (seriously, it is that good) and my little written mention to MJ (I'll promise an euology some day).
But the third thing, the one that assures me great things will come...
Today, as again I woke from a three-four hour sleep after staying up for most of last night up until 7:30, as I went through my day as expected by doing absolutely nothing, it came the time that I took a nap....
I dreamt of a theatre. In that theatre, far back on the seats, there was a man, far from the people on the primary rows. I walked by the man, looked at him and said
"....You're Johnny Depp"
To which the man responded "Why yes, yes I am"
And I said "Wow, How you doing Mr. Depp?"
And he said "Fine, fine thank you. Just enjoying the play"
To which I responded "I see that Mr. Depp, say you know this reminds me off Hunter S. Thompson"
Which made him say "You know about Dr. Thompson?"
To which I said "Oh shucks Mr. Depp! I love Dr. Thompson and I love his work"
And he said "Hey! So do I...uhh please....Call me Johnny, come sit here, tell me more about Thompson"
...
When I woke, I just lay there on the bed and said "Johnny Deep and I are Friends". If that's not a Good Omen then there is no God.
Peace.
I want rants, don't get me wrong I live for rants about anything. I'd even sit through a religious rant (Jesus Camp, nuff said). And why? why, because of the solely beauty of morbidity.
I'd sit through a religious rant or a political rant for the same reason I'd read all the coments on a youtube video, just to get sickeningly fed with people's opinion's that, mind you, sometimes differ greatly from my own. And that pisses me off, but I do it, because I might well not have enough respect for myself. BUT TODAY, today stands out for a reason and that reason is that I'm fed up with the FUCKING FUCKED UP-NESS OF THE SITUATIONS THAT SURROUND ME!!
So...I've been messing arroung, getting my thrills and daily adventures out of whatever the world can provide me, be them online, live, recorded somewhere or published and republished in the time span between 1917 and 2006. I've seen TV shows, I've finished complete anime seasons, watched movies that were on hold and I have even fooled around in other people's blogs and for all the time consuming activities, I fancy...It's not enough.
I mean seriously, it's not only that every day while fighting to stay awake some bone is thrown in my direction, some obscure or public occurrance happens and while I get round to write about it, all, if any, inspiration leave my putrid self in search of more meaningfull places, like my friends (who'd known?). And so I stumble back in my chair, rock my earphones and sit while listening to "I'm on a Boat" for the 128th time in a row.
Speaking of friends, I'd like to take this unbeknownst moment and confess that I've been getting my kicks from, amongst many places, a certain blog written by a certain young lady who fancies a certain knack for things electric and if she EVER gets to read this non-sequital pages of rantings and such I would like to share with her that strange feeling I get in those wee hours of the morning when the mood's just right and the light is ok, the tunes are enticing and my mind swirls with thoughts.
Right when I say to myself "hmm, It's been some days since I read anything interesting, I wonder if the certain young lady has posted anything new" and whaddaya know, SHE HAS!!!! Not only that, but it kinda stands out and suddenly brain up here goes "Shit this is good" and bye bye go all wishes to write.
I don't feel bad though, she deserves the attention and while it seems I'm sucking up to her, I fancy the girl and her friends, she's cool (as are most the people I meet). Cool people seem to attract two things: Despair and more cool people. SOOOOO to those days, were I mysteriously think "I wonder if there's somehting new" and there is and it's really good, I salute her with this old school rhyme (set to the tune of Easy-E's Boyz in the Hood)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stay up late
At around 2:oo
Just thought that I had to get my blogging soon
Gotta get readin' befo daylight sets in
Befo' my body get's used to the lack of sleep
About to stop, allmost said good night
Then I felt I really had to stay online
Tried to remember.
It was a blog
I didn't knew much, only that it ended in pop
At my laptop, started clicking some letters
Was done soon, clicked the key "Enter"
Got to the site and to my surprise
I was soon reading them posts, from first to last
Now I hear my iTunes play (play)
Hearing a theme song from a Mehca Anime
I't so witty and smart h0w this girl writes
Let me tell you what kinda' stuff you might find
There's a post about Woody and a picture of the 'chords
Something about pet peeves
How un-lucky are Dumb Girls
Went to the blog to humor her
Little did I know I'd return every now and then
A thought comes up what does it mean
I haven't charged my Nintendo DS, Oh Em Gee
Returning to the point in the song, I must say
It's so fun to read what goes through Mrss. Pop's head
´Cause girls like her are a dime a dozen
Somehow, it seems, her friends are just as awesome
I should know about that, I can read people moods
No doubt about it, Wendy and Babs got it going on too.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
My rhymes are guetto and dope and leet, all at the same time. Suck that T.I. (I hate that fucking asshole!!). Well that was my litte shout-out to a blogging soul sister, may she be in good times.
Meanwhile, as I try to find any meaning to life after Avatar and Michael Jackson, the world swirls past around and shakes me in the most unexpected ways from the comfort and stallness of my own home. Seriously though, I've got a high powered fan blazing away at me and my elbows are sweating. But enought of the nasty details, on with the crazy rantings...
I. HATE. THE. ENTIRE. CAST. OF. HOUSE MD!!!! Except for two people, Dr. Wilson and House Himself.
I have to get this out of the way because it's been eating me inside not to know what the fuck is going on. I've been watching it lately, trying to figure why everyone loves the show, all my friends, all my medial friends, allmost anyone I know that has ever seen a House episode LOVES house.
AND WHY!!!! WHY has been the question pounding away at my cerebellum for the last 2 seasong I own. WHY do people endure this. WHY does it still air after that fatefull first season. WHY does it feel strangely unwatchable yet I'm compelled to watch it to the last minute.
I GOT IT!!! Today, exactly at 3:15 in the evening, roughly 12 minutes after I awoke, I saw another episode (the one were Michelle Thatchenberg has a tick in her...lady bussiness and is caussing her to experience all sorts of shannananigans) and finally found out the why.
WHY does anyone see it? WHY is it still on the air? WHY has it won awards? WHY does no one bother to make any change in the storytelling? Because, AND ONLY BECAUSE, of Dr. Gregory "AWESOME" House. Because in the weird alternate universe of Dr. House everything seems, seems, normal. BUT IT ISN'T.
EVERYONE!!! is as stiff as a board, when people get sick, they get sick of the most unsual, rare once in 5 lifetimes diseases at the same time they have at least 2 or 3 other things that always put the guys off scent, there's no such a thing as ethic, much less medical or work ethic (how come they always find a way to get into people's appartments and nobody ever does anything?) and nobody listens to House, EVER, even though he is ALWAYS right.
That's the strange weird dull fealing that comes with the warm, fuzzy feeling I get when Hugh Laurie says anything at all. The show is un-oroginal, repetetive as fuck and everyone else (except for our very own Dr. House and Robert Sean Leonard of Dead Poet's Society fame) is the epitome of HATRED!!!
This people are stuborn and weak and increadibly stupid. There's the girl who has weirdly evolved from that cute, naïve girl who had a crush (read O-V-B-I-O-U-S) with House during the first season to a megalomanical bitch, who's nosy as fuck and gets involved in absolutely every case, besides I get the slight idea that sometimes she goes jus a little bit overboard trying to proove House wrong.
Then there's the black dude who is just as obnoxious, pedant, stupid and CANNOT PUT HIS FUCKING EYEBROWS DOWN!!!!! SERIOUSLY, BRAW, WHAT THE FUCK!! DID YOU GET A PLASTIC JOB IN THERE, WHAT'S WITH THE PERPETUAL LOOK OF "I told you so" YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ANYONE SHIT SINCE THE SHOW STARTED. Then there's the blonde bitch (what's his face, the Awestrelian one) who's the definition of stupid times a fucking asshole.
AND LET US NOT FORGET the power tripping, über BITCH that is their boss. Why did the producers got rid of Chi McBride? Why did they let Sela Ward leave? WHY DID NO ONE GOT RID OF CUDDY!!?!?!?! She's not cute, she's not hot, I don't find her the least bit appealing and Hey, you know? I get when House's *team* gets it wrong, I get it, They're supposed to, they're idiots. But his boss!!! If anyone listened to what cuddy had to say...fuck it, if anyone listened to what ANY of the supporting cast memebers had to say, people would actually D I E.
But cuddy...She's always threatening to fire House, to lay him on his arse, to let him go, to take him of cases...I just saw one were she had a patient and neglected him (a six year old) while House had a hunch and followed that hunch and discovered kiddo had a problema and started treating him and was well on his way to save him and stepped out of line and BUTTFUCK CUDDY came along and demoted him, told him he was off the case.
I get it and I think so do you, If anyone listens to anyone BUT House, people would DIE, countless of countless of people would die, but cuddy is supposed to be the boss, so why the fuck is SHE still working....AND NOW I KNOW WHY!!!
My rush, my exaltation, it comes from knowing how much I hate all this characters and how much I hate they always demote House, and deaminish him and try to ignore him and make him an idiot and when proven to be right no one gives the slightest thank-you to him. I finally understand that everyone is an asshole AND THEY CAN'T LEAVE.
Why? Simple, because then House couldn't make complete fools out of them and give them snappy comebacks and virtually defeat them at absolutely everything, starting, by being an actual doctor. SO SUCK IT PACK OF MORONS, they have to stay. They have to stay and endure the endless array of insults from a medical genius they ' ' hopefully ' ' will never be.
Because House is the ultimate bastard. He's rude, gross, dirty, unethical, inmoral, depraved, unclean, unshaven, immature and an all around bastard and you love him!!! They tell him to kiss their ass, he tells them to suck his dick. They go around demoting him, he goes beyond authority. They kick him out on the streets, he cane-hops his way round the back and into the hospital. They try to put him down, he rests assured that everyone will fall...and they do. Suckers!
So as to the rantings, I could bitch about the heat, the boredom, how Michael Jackson's death hurt me so much and how much Avatar filled a gap in my life. I could rant about movies like the summer's flop that was Transformers 2 or how I feel about Terminator Salvation or how much I'd like to watch Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince and bitch about what they missed and made up. I could go on and on and on and on about a lot of things, but I won't. Because I've already done two of the three things that secure a better tomorrow.
Prove the world Dr. Gregory House and Dr. James Wilson are the only two human beings on HOUSE MD and praise my friend's blog besides diggin in that people SHOULD watch Avatar (seriously, it is that good) and my little written mention to MJ (I'll promise an euology some day).
But the third thing, the one that assures me great things will come...
Today, as again I woke from a three-four hour sleep after staying up for most of last night up until 7:30, as I went through my day as expected by doing absolutely nothing, it came the time that I took a nap....
I dreamt of a theatre. In that theatre, far back on the seats, there was a man, far from the people on the primary rows. I walked by the man, looked at him and said
"....You're Johnny Depp"
To which the man responded "Why yes, yes I am"
And I said "Wow, How you doing Mr. Depp?"
And he said "Fine, fine thank you. Just enjoying the play"
To which I responded "I see that Mr. Depp, say you know this reminds me off Hunter S. Thompson"
Which made him say "You know about Dr. Thompson?"
To which I said "Oh shucks Mr. Depp! I love Dr. Thompson and I love his work"
And he said "Hey! So do I...uhh please....Call me Johnny, come sit here, tell me more about Thompson"
...
When I woke, I just lay there on the bed and said "Johnny Deep and I are Friends". If that's not a Good Omen then there is no God.
Peace.
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