Uhmm....wow...haha, uhh....ok, you'll have to excuse me. I seriously can't find anything well worth to bitch about. I guess, everything's been ok, nice even. Wow, well that's a first...which is kind of weird, I do feel really tired. Really fucking tired.
Buuuuut, I guess there isn't much to complain about. I mean, there is, just not anything concrete, anything that's bad and big. I guess I'm doing pretty good. However, there is that lingering feeling out there, I couldn't describe it even if I wanted to, but it feels...there. It's not despair or tragedy or fear, it's just a feeling out there. Something just waiting by in the void, completely unaware even of itself.
Things aren't weird or anything, everyday life isn't a drag, but it isn't dull either. I guess I'm just lightly lucid. There's a ton of work. There's a shitload of things that need to be taken care off. There's a couple of classes I need to take care of, and lastly, I guess there are a few things here and there which need the touch. The "me" touch.
Huh? Weird. I could swear there's something I'm forgetting. Well, my deer blog, maybe it's the fact that I owe you an apology. Stragiht up tp your face, no holds bared, no two face or cockamamie schemes. I. Have. A. Facebook. Profile.
I'm sorry. From the bottom of my hear...I know, I know. I let you down, all that talk and walk was based on nothing, I know. Listen, I had to, things aren't looking great, BUT HEY! I've changed...and...oh my god!
So it's there, it's finally there. Maybe this is what I'm feeling all along. Of course there is nothing to bitch about, because the only things left to bitch about are work and school which are the same thing, happen at the same place and pretty much doesn't fuckin' matter. No, it's that particular that!
After a semester's worth of crappy classrooms, filled with boring people I've come to a breaking point. Ok, sorry, need to tell that first. So, I've finally come to terms with certain aspects of my personality that might or might not need to be changed. Yes, I might now be actually hated by people, not just be paranoid about it, but very matter-of-factly hated. Real, warm-blooded hatred that I can actually taste and feel.
Now that's all on me, I had it coming, bleaergh! on with the stuff that matters. It feels weird because I'm back at that center stage...and...Nothing has changed. I have, but not it, and therefore I'm in no center stage to speak off. Never was. But now, more than before, I'm set back, hiding or something close.
I didn't went back for all the glory and all the fame. I didn't even went back to garner as many friends as posible, nor to be the first or wisest. I went back to facebook for an array of reasons which is to move the fuck on with an impending list of "to do" things. This is were I am, at a fucking halt, because I haven't done shit.
I went back for many things, a certain her as part of those..things...Oh god, I'm sounding like a goddamn teenager. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ME!?!
What the fuck happened between the summer and fucking now. Have I really stopped being that much pissed off at life? Is reallity so much more difficult to intake when there is literally nothing "wrong" with me? What the fuck happened?
Maybe it's got something to do with feeling...sort of Old. Maybe...I don't know, maybe I'm just not cut for this, the blogging I mean. Maybe I just need to stop and start paying attention, stop infuriating myself since it leads me nowwhere. Maybe there really isn't anything to be mad about and I'm just pushing that envelope because without it, I'd be lost. Maybe I need to find something new to do, get off my ass, get out there. But really just go out there.
Maybe I need to start paying more attention to myself. Maybe...Maybe I just don't love myself that much.
Wait
what
Huh
WHAT!?!
ok
wait
WAIT
no seriously, wait
wait...
waaaaaittttt.....
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiittttttttttt.....
WAAAAAIIIIIIITTT!!!!!...........
ok
almost there
ready
ok
ok
ok
here it comes
get ready
Oh my God, here it comes
oh
OH
OHH oH OHOHO OH OH OH
P S Y C H E D B I T C H !!!!!
Who the fuck am I kiddin', I love me, I love me and everything that surrounds me, which makes it all the easier to HATE EVERYTHING ELSE!!!!
What the fuck, did you think I was gonna go soft all of a sudden, I said I needed to vent, well I'M-A FUCKING VENTING!!!! I mean, seriously! When was the last time I had a good ol-fashioned rant. Last semester, almost last year. Kinda sucks, don't ya think non-existing reader.
Now I'm here, sitting on my ass at fuckin' 2 in the morning waiting for another day so I can move the fuck up that goddamn ladder that is my life. All the while being blessed and gifted with the company of the, read The most interesting set of people. First of all, fuck the kids. Really, all of you. Fuck you kindly!
And I'm specifically reffering to the brown-nose kids that haunt my ever lasting existence at my beautiful, beautiful carrear. Fuck you, ok, because I have absolutely no idea just who the fuck you are. You make no attempts to shine out, you're always dicking around with your fucking black berries and you seem kinda idiotic. And that's just the males.
The girls, well fuck! I mean really, like, really? Do you have to be like that? Do you have to look like THAT!? Do any of these girls know, even remotely think what it feels like to live out a perpetual feeling of that one extra on an adult film? Do ya? Everywhere I fucking look, one beautiful girl, two beautiful girls, A COUPLE HUNDRED HOT, GORGEOUS, just, AMAZINGLY STUNNING BEAUTIFUL GIRLS. And do they put out, no. Not for me. Not for me because I'm not the guy they're after, and I'm rude and I'm crude and Youknowthedeal....
It's the same thing OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN!!! Stop, really, stop because I'm getting nowhere and getting there fast.
Then there's the idiots, which couldn't take the decency to come in the same fucking package. Don't get me wrong, sure some idiots, be them chicks or dudes are certified lookers, but some really just take the obnoxious little oh-how-I-wish-I-could-skull-fuck-you-with-a-pepper-shaker cake. This people aren't just dumb beyond any reasonable human reach, they're ugly and shady and just beating-inducing. They're not set with going to extremes, FUCKING EXTREMES to get that douche bag vibe just right but they also have to nail the "Ohhh god, how I hate you as a whole".
And the nice and quiet or outgoing but cool people just stay behind. All behind, no fucking contact, no nothing. I tell you, this guys, they're nice and I'm pretty sure a blast, but that pretty sure stays in a "maybe" sort of 79% margin of being the complete opposite because I don't fucking know this people. They want to remain that way, well fuck, you know, I'd like to have more than the occasional allies I've mustered up along my stay in this place.
And, I really, really love my college, I do. I'd be rocking that shirt if not for the fact that, that would be a really douche move. Never the less, I do love my school, assholes notwithstanding. And Facebook, really, just fuck Facebook. Fuck it. Really, just the hell with it. I hate Facebook, I really fucking hate Facebook. And I'm back. Yeah, I have a Facebook profile page and I know exactly why.
Because over the whole of this last semester, I really, really reaaaaaaally, have lost touch with a lot of people that are veritably away from me. And Facebook, be it the filthy dirty whore it is, is perhaps the only solution. Yes I have a Facebook, AND THEY DESERVE TO BURN IN HELL!!!!Samuel L. Fuckin' Jackson FTW.
But most importantly, I went back because I'm going insane here. Ok, there are a few friends within fucking ear range who just seem to have shut away from my life, out of nothingness. Just because, you know, it kinda seemed a nice idea.
...
...
WHAT THE FUCK!? seriously, WHAT THE FUCK!? WHAT. THE. FUCK!? WHAT THE FUCK? WTF!? It's like someone just sucked on a thermostat and shoved it all the way up my ass and just waited there to see what happens, because they heard off hand from that idiot that went to the same elementary school I went to that when I reach boiling points, the glass burst open and confetti starts to jitter out of my ass. That and it makes a funny noise when it pops. Also that when applying the right pressure PB&J sandwiches come out my ears and nose, while candy corn stretches out my urethra.
I really wish you could see me right now, so you could have the most vivid of images. I really do.
But what does it really feel to reach, yet, another end to another baffling semester/year? I'll tell you what it feels, it feels awkward, lame and somewhat stupid, yet there is an actual lingering feeling but it's not an unknown entity just flapping around on an emo hearless void. That lingering feeling is that besides all the mishaps and misfortunes that there were and that there will still be, there is some actual success to all this.
That in the end, some things worked out just fine and great and what-have-you-not...Or something like that. To say anything, the semester isn't really over, but soon. By the time I read this again, it'll probably be afterwards and I'll be able to actually gloat in my success. And I'm slowly but surely making it to the finish line right next to my hommies.
No pain, no gain...I guess.
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